How to Deal with Your Racist Uncle in 2018

2017 was the actual worst. From the inauguration to the hurricanes, to the bombings and shootings, to the wars and earthquakes, all accompanied by surreal presidential tweets, we made it by the skin of our teeth and the strength of our respective communities. 
We live in a stratified and hostile society that grew out of more stratification and hostility. Do you feel it? It’s perhaps most insidiously present during the holidays, when we return home and all is jolly and bright until our grandmother says something racist or our dad doesn’t get why colonialism was bad, and if we call them out, it gets really… uncomfortable. The truth is, each generation and each political party has an idea of what society must accept to continue as it ought, and these ideas tend to oppose each other. They aren’t just a progression of harmless opinions, however; two thoughts can be diametrically opposed and accepted, but they cannot be diametrically opposed and true. What, then, can we do when the choice appears to be between peace and truth?
We can find the answer at the beginnings of our twenty-first century perspective(s). The (s) is important here because it lies at the heart of this generation’s way of thinking, that of plurality and diversity, and one of the most important voices that opened the door to new voices was that of Jacques Derrida, whose central practice was deconstruction. Deconstruction is a method used by literary theorists to examine the ways that systems and structures of power are embedded within the very linguistic structures of the words we say every day. By examining how words – and even the sounds within those words – have multiple connotations, we are able to see the plurality of interpretation and meaning. Words are self-referential and may appear to be arbitrary; however, the practice of deconstruction encourages us to question things and ideas that we’ve assumed true in the past. After all, ideas are based on words, and words don’t necessarily reflect “reality.” Consider the word “love,” which in Greek has multiple meanings as diverse as love for a mother versus love for a spouse. Once the multiple meanings and interpretations of words and ideas are exposed, the objects society considered sacred suddenly lose their foundation. Philosophy, as a system of thought that explains something (think: political parties), is a sacred object. “What deconstruction reveals,” writes Nancy J. Holland in the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, "is that the repression that is necessary for creating a history of philosophy is in large part a repression of what philosophy itself cannot control, of what escapes the grasp of philosophy while being part of it.” In other words, to synthesize and systematize into what we might call an “-ism" (any belief system, including religious or political platforms) leaves gaps and overlaps that can't hold up to rigorous analysis. The very foundations of words and thought are built upon multiplicity and diversity – not upon singular meanings. In the past, in the words of Henry David Thoreau, old thoughts implied “a certain grandeur and completeness,” and they “darted through the universe and solved all its problems”; however, those old ideas cannot suit us anymore. In every ideology that totalizes, cracks and fissures appear. Derrida laid bare the inaccurate notions inherent in the ideological systems engrained in twentieth and twenty-first century philosophy. Other philosophers and literary critics practiced the same and similar work, notably Edward Said in Orientalism, where he dismantled the patronizing and illogical values of colonialism. In many ways, rigorous analysis of sacred ideas would not exist today without the word of Derrida, Said, and many others. 
Thirteen years have passed since Derrida died, and fourteen since Said. In that time, the West has hurtled forward to the melody of deconstruction and “postmodernism.” The latter word is in quotes for a reason: the very notion of an “-ism” goes against what Derrida and Said worked for. In Derrida’s own words, “Monsters cannot be announced. One cannot say: ‘Here are our monsters,’ without immediately turning the monsters into pets” (“Some Statements and Truisms”). As with any thought that was originally edgy, the current of the mainstream removes its edge for safe and comfortable use. Of course, many beneficial pieces of thought have entered the collective consciousness through deconstruction, such as a breaking apart of ideologies like racism, sexism, and heteronormativity. However, that is what they are: pieces of thought. The whole, the practice of deconstruction, has been pre-applied and bundled for individual sale: “political correctness” objects to certain statements, but do we really understand the tearing down of ideologies that brought us to the point of rejection? In other words, critical thinkers have deconstructed systems of oppression that systematically deprived individuals of power, but without that original critical thinking, we are at a loss to know how to proceed. The result is good ideas and causes that nevertheless, as we figured out last year, can't seem to make much headway. 2017’s tragic lack of mutual understanding must wake us up to the realization that our strategy is not working. How many of us know brilliant people who can't seem to understand the intricacies of racism and/or will not let the term “micro aggression” pass without a snicker about “snowflakes”? The issue here is not the truth/untruth of statements, but rather the lack of critical thinking packaged along with bite-sized deconstruction, which seeks not to destroy “truth,” but instead to expose ideas that we have constructed and impose on others. This is not to tear apart, but instead to examine our social constructs instead of taking them for granted or considering them inevitable. A greater understanding of society and its issues comes not from ascribing to a point of view, but rather from a taking stock of all points of view. In the end, we may end up squarely on one or the other side of the strange political binary we practice in the United States, but stock-taking is what gives power to belief. When a belief has been considered, it can exist without becoming an “-ism,” a notion that is not an overbearing ideology.
This next part may be difficult, but a merciful eye works wonders. Consider what we have, for better or for worse, termed "political correctness." The basic concept is that people ought to consider if what they’re saying really conforms to reality or not – to examine not simply if it conforms to one’s own reality, but also to the experiences of others. In other words, “political correctness” encourages a person to try not to be racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. The attempt to be kind and considerate to all is perhaps one of the achievements of our generation. There is, however, a point where this becomes problematic. It is not the weighting of some groups over others that becomes troubling; to me at least, this effort can set conversation (and society) aright. It is rather the hegemony of thought to which Derrida might most heavily object. This is not isolated in the "political correctness” of the Left, however; the conservative political right engages in this, too, as we may have experienced around the family dinner table when the conversation turns to social issues. Paradoxically, it is hegemonic thought that divides us. As "political correctness" seeks to allow all voices, so the union of male, wealthy, heterosexual, white voices will reject those voices. In turn, the rising power of diverse voices will reject the former hegemony. Except this current hegemonic union isn’t former quite yet. It hasn’t gone away. We’re left with a seemingly endless struggle, and the weapons/defense mechanisms have become the same on both sides: complete agreement within and complete rejection without. This structure makes the groups involved in binary opposition to each other; that is, they cannot exist without the antagonistic/opposing existence of the other. The diversity of the political left unites into a single voice. And this is what is losing the battle. 
In the spirit of Derrida, to deconstruct the singleness of our ideas and to make space for the multiplicity of voices is crucial, not for the fun of it, but to bring justice to everyone. So yes, we must continue to speak carefully and to give space and power to all voices. However, we must also listen to what those voices have to say. If it is erroneous or illogical, to correct and even call out is important. But too often these become knee-jerk responses with no allowance for dissenting ideas. The reason for rejecting minority voices in the past was prejudice, of course, but also fear of what they might say to challenge the existing point of view. We face a similar danger now. The way forward is not to let go of the truth, but to analyze it. 
This is not a manual for how to deal with your racist uncle at a family gathering. People have disagreed about politics over the dinner table for time immemorial, and as we all probably discovered this Christmas break, that practice is more harmful than helpful. Instead, consider this: most of America has some ill-informed opinions and inaccurate assumptions, and those misconceptions ought to be different and ought to be changed. We can change them through calling people out, opening dialogue, and introducing diversity into the lives of the people who hold them. What we might consider changing in our approach is the urge to separate ourselves from individuals who hold disagreeable and unacceptable views about the people around them. And a disclaimer: not everyone is called to engage with the jerks of the world. There are individuals who have experienced harassment, prejudice, bigotry, and trauma to the degree that they should feel no burden to engage with the ideological other. But for the rest of us, it is time to engage in a different way. We know deep down that very few individuals who say unacceptable things know what you’re talking about when you call them out. They just feel shut down. There are better ways to deal with that. Also, as much as older white people often have trouble with what we consider basic human decency, they can also be lovely people from whom we can learn and whose company we can enjoy. It’s through relationships, after all, that opinions change. The way to fix our society is not always as simple as it seems. It’s not just waiting for the old people to die, because they never will. Certainly, our grandparents will die just like theirs did. But then we’ll be the parents, and then the grandparents, and society will march on toward justice without us. If only the young and the educated know what’s up, there’s no hope for us. Only a tiny fraction of America will exist in a bubble of lucidity. No, as difficult as it is, it is crucial to talk to people who hold wrong opinions, whether they’re gullible and misinformed, products of a different era, or just plain ugly on the inside. And that means reviewing our own thought processes, because never is one side completely wrong and the other completely right.  Derrida and other advocates for ethical ways of living insisted on ruthless examination of systems and ideologies. Without that rigorous analysis, our ideologies will have flaws that will destroy our argument. So as we consider another year of hand-wringing helplessness, let’s examine ourselves first. Then we can speak patiently to those who don’t deserve patience. That’s what will change America, the sexist, the homophobic, and the racist uncles included.

Derrida, Jacques. "Some Statements and Truisms about Neologisms, Newisms, Postisms, Parasitisms, and Other Small Seismisms," trans. Anne Tomiche, in The States of ‘Theory,’ ed. David Carroll (New York: Columbia University Press, 1990).

Comments